An (HIV) Positive Life

It is my sincerest wish and hope that the two of them continue to live happily ever after. Interviewing them was both difficult and yet very fulfilling. They really were the “odd couple”. After all in a society like ours that is plagued by hypocrisy, how many such examples do we come across?
Let me tell you that Jadish and Heena were both HIV positive when I had met them. Overcoming their personal traumas both had taken the bold step of marrying each other and trying to make sense of life for others like them. I am reproducing the entire transcript of my talk with them on a hot April evening in Surat in the year 2006……

Q. Please tell me your name and what do you do?
Jagdish. My name is Jagdish Patel and I work in GSNP plus (Gujarat State Network for people living with HIV positive and AIDS) as a field counsellor.
Heena. I am Heena Patel and I work as centre counsellor for GSNP plus.
Q. Why did you get associated with this network?
Jagdish. Because the network is for the HIV positive people and finding solutions to the problems being faced by HIV positive people in the society is very difficult. It is easy to find such solutions when you join this network. It is easier for a person to become acceptable in the society because a network has a wider reach while an individual doesn't.
Heena. When I joined this network I was already a widow. It has been through the network that I came to marry Jagdish. After I experienced widowhood and eventually I came out of that, I can now help other widows facing such problems.
Q. Can you tell me something about your past?
Jagdish. I used to work in a diamond cutting and polishing unit. I lived with my brother for six years but when I tested positive for HIV even my brother started facing problems in society but he did not say anything to me. But I understood what he was going through. He suggested that I go back to my village in Jamnagar district but I came in contact with this network and I came to know a lot on how to face these problems. My biggest problem was that I was unmarried and if I married a HIV negative woman I could pass on the infection to her ad if I married through the network I would prevent the virus from passing on to at least one more person. Hence I decided to marry a HIV positive girl and set an example and thus contribute towards reducing the overall HIV positive people.
Heena. We were one brother and four sisters. I was the youngest and was the most pampered. I was engaged immediately after I finished high school and was married three years later. He (My first husband) was HIV positive but he did not tell it. He was scared that his engagement would break and he will not be able to find a wife later. After marriage we came to live in Surat for two years. He worked in a diamond unit. When I enquired about his frequent illness and repeated trips to testing laboratories, he refused to tell me anything and said that what is the point in my telling you? Then I told my brother who asked me to come back to my father's house in Rajkot. Later when my husband came there he was taken for a test and my brother told the doctor to give his report to him (my brother) instead of the patient. This scared my husband on how he would face the society when my brother came to know of his illness. When we came to know about it, I too undertook a test to find that even I was HIV positive but after eight days my husband passed away. My in laws did not want to keep me but I insisted that if they wanted to turn me out they would have to come to leave me at my parents place in a procession like they had come to take me from there at the time of the marriage. I stayed there but I was ostracized. My clothes and utensils were kept separately and no body interacted with me. It was after a fortnight of my becoming a widow that my niece visited me and after seeing the treatment being meted out to me she asked my father to call me back. My father came and took me back saying that he would keep me and during the next three years when I stayed at my father's place, my in laws never enquired about my well being.


But by that time my brother had married and had two children. Though he had no problems in me staying in the house, his wife started raising objections out of fears that her children or her husband might not get infected as I was going to live there till I died. There were frequent fights in the house. I asked my father to leave me either in an orphanage or a home for people like me. But my father asked my brother to move out. Then I came to know about the network. I married Jagdish and we have been working and living together for the last three years. We are portrayed as an example for HIV positive people who want to marry.
Q. How did you become HIV positive?
Jagdish. It was four years back that I fell sick and had malaria and typhoid. I had gone to visit a cousin who was admitted to the general ward of a hospital and it was there that I got these diseases as I was not aware that I was HIV positive. I had gone in for a blood transfusion seven year prior to that. Maybe I got the infection from that.
Q. What made you go in for a HIV positive life partner?
Heena. After I tested positive, during counseling I was told that if wanted to remarry it would be better if I married a HIV positive person. I too understood that only a HIV positive life partner could understand my pain and agony, particularly when I was sick. If I married a HIV negative person and he got the infection through me, he would blame me for life like I used to blame my first husband for passing on the infection to me. He would look down upon me. So I decided to marry a HIV positive person whether he was from my caste and community or not. It is the virus in our blood which was my consideration and I married Jagdish.
Q. Initially when you met each other, were you nervous about looking for a life partner?
Jagdish. I had reservations whether I would be able to adjust with a HIV positive girl or not. Our castes were different and my parents insisted that I marry a HIV negative girl. I had reservations on how I would ask a HIV positive girl to marry me. Would she accept me? I was HIV positive but the girl I would approach would both be HIV positive and a widow as well. She would have faced the problems of widowhood and what if her husband dies again and she gets forced into the world of widowhood once again. But when I approached her, I just asked her to forget the past and think about the future.
Heena. My father was against the marriage and told me that I should live with his family till I die. But my other family members like mother, brother and sister understood that being HIV positive does not mean that I will die tomorrow. They knew that I will continue to live and a life partner is required. Another thing was that as a widow my acceptance was not there in society. I could not go anywhere on auspicious occasions and could not even dress up properly. It was conveyed to my father that my acceptance would be there if I remarried. After Jagdish had proposed to me my sister told my father that even if he is not from our caste but we would lead a life together. She said that all that was required was a prayer that I do not return to widowhood. After a lot of reluctance my father agreed to our marriage.

Q. What role did this institution have in your marriage and how do you see the recent match making event organized by your network?



Jagdish. When we got married there were no guidelines in the network. Ours was the first marriage. Then the idea of a marriage bureau came into being. HIV men and female fill out a form about there age, profession and marital status. Then after two and a half years we thought that it was difficult to arrange meetings between individuals and hence we decided to arrange a match making event where people from all over Gujarat and sit face to face with prospective life partners. In the recent event four couples decided to marry.
Heena. This institution played a major role in my marriage. I was from Rajkot. At the time of my marriage my father was reluctant and the marriage was solemnized in Surat. By then GSNPplus had become both my paternal house and the house of my in laws and it remains the same today. Even today my problems are solved through GSNPplus only. We were displayed as an example of a happily married HIV positive couple in the recent match making event. We are the first such couple in Gujarat and it was conveyed that other people too could live and support each other like us. Going by the example four couples have decided to get married and the fifth such marriage is in the pipeline.
Q. Would you ever have met if there was no such institution?
Jagdish. Had GSNP plus not been there I would have never met Heena or thought about marrying her. The network has documented the HIV positive people like us and this is very helpful.
Heena. The network is essential for all HIV positive people. Other NGOs are working in this field but only GSNPplus has a marriage bureau. I worked in Rajkot as a researcher with an NGO but it was only after coming in contact with GSNPplus that I came to know about the marriage bureau and was able to meet and marry Jagdish. Otherwise I would have still been at my father's place and he would have wept looking at me. Now when my father sees me on television or in a news photo he does not feel that he is a father of a HIV positive daughter. Now my entire community knows about my HIV positive status. Now my father can say that he is proud of a daughter who can say in front of the world that she can live despite being HIV positive. I too say that I have HIV not AIDS and I can live with your support.
Q. Can you tell me something about your marriage? How was your marriage like?
Jagdish. At the time of our marriage my parents were reluctant. I told them four hours before my marriage and still they were refusing to allow me to go ahead. But at the scheduled time everyone came and the marriage was solemnized in a proper manner. Initially I had thought that the marriage would be solemnized as a mere formality and would be over in a few minutes but it turned out to be an elaborate affair with my family members, relatives and GSNPplus members turning up in strength.
Heena. My father had reservations on me remarrying and had not come for marriage. He had refused to allow my mother to come also. It was the GSNPplus that had supported me. But when I did not call up my parents for over a month, I got a call from my sister who asked me why I did not go to my parent's house after marriage? I said I was scared of my father. She said that it was not only my individual decision and others like my sister and mother had supported it. I went to my sister's house in Rajkot where my mother came to meet me and take me to my father's house. I was still reluctant to go but



my mother took me home. My father had wept seeing me saying how could he forget his daughter? He immediately accepted Jagdish and me.
Q. last question, what difference has marriage made to your life?
Jagdish. Before marriage I used to remain aloof. I did not talk to anyone. I was very confused. Everyone used to ask me why I did not marry? Was no one willing to give his daughter to me in marriage? Now everyone tells me that I have got a very nice wife who can fit into our community very well. I am very happy after marriage. I did not imagine my life partner would be so accommodating and supporting. Today I can proudly say that my life partner is priceless and I cannot live without her even for a moment.
Q. It has been your second marriage. How do you feel about the whole thing?
Heena. I shudder to even think of the days that I was spending as a widow. Jagdish loves me so much, gives me everything without even asking for it. He helps me with my medicines as I am taking treatment. When I am not well he doesn't let me get up and do any work. He supports me in my job also. We do our household work together in the mornings. We share the responsibilities of running our household after our job. It is my good luck that I married Jagdish. I have forgotten my previous marriage taking it to be a bad dream. I just pray to god that I get Jagdish as my husband for seven rebirths.